Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention puh-leeeeeeeez! Okay I listen to the Sweeney Todd soundtrack too much.

Anyway, three parodies! The first two are of One Republic's 'Apologize', and Grace and I wrote them together.

Fornication

I’m holding on your rope

Got me ten feet off the ground

I try to get you horny, but you don’t even turn around

You tell me that you want me

Then you go and menopause, but wait

You tell me that you’re sorry,

Didn’t think I’d want more kids

You say that

It’s too late for fornication, it’s too late

You said it’s too late for fornication, it’s too late

Even though my hair’s grey there’s still some sperm in me

And we all know that men need sex to keep em’ all happy

So I don’t understand why you refuse to mate with me

And you say

“It would be really painful, now that I’m over 50,

So I’m afraid,”

It’s too late for fornication, it’s too late

You said it’s too late for fornication, it’s too late

It’s too late for fornication, it’s too late

You said it’s too late for fornication, it’s too late

It’s too late for fornication, it’s too late

You said it’s too late for fornication, it’s too late

Contraception

They talked to us in school and they told us all sorts of things

They told us about condoms and having chastity rings

They told us that they’re sorry, but we’ll all catch STIs

If we

Partake in underage sex, without using spermicide

Then we’ll say

That it’s too late for contraception

It’s too late

I said it’s too late for contraception

It’s too late

Of course we didn’t listen, we’ve heard it all before

For hormonal teenagers safe sex was such a chore

Till one day you woke up, find you have a baby bump

Oh shit

Tried for an abortion, doctor freaking cheated us

Goddamn

It’s too late for contraception

It’s too late

I said it’s too late for contraception

It’s too late

And it’s too late for contraception

It’s too late

I said it’s too late for contraception

It’s too late

It’s too late for contraception

It’s too late

I said it’s too late for contraception

It’s too late

And the last one is a parody of Rihanna's 'Unfaithful'. I wrote it on request for a friend, and he helped write the second verse, so due credit to Benny of CHS =D

Unfaithful (or I Couldn't Think Of A New Title)

Story of my life

Sitting in my room

Doing trigonometry

Sorrow in my soul

Cause I just can’t do

Cosine A and tangent B

Math is more than trig

And trig is more than math

But it doesn’t feel that way

And I’m a getting sick

Of Victor Frankenstein

And his stupid monstrosity

And we all know Pythagoras’ theorem

But who really cares?

When I know that my G.P.A is negative three

I can see it dying

I don’t wanna do this anymore

I don’t wanna be the reason why

Every time I open my pencil box

I see that all my ink is running dry

I don’t wanna do redox anymore

I don’t want more hydrogen oxides

I don’t wanna read…my history notes.

I feel it in the ground

The answer can’t be found

There’s got to be some other way

This encroaching sense

Of despair makes me tense

I guess I’m gonna stay up late

This paper’s really long.

Midnight is almost here

A math can go to hell

Because we both know

That I am gonna fail

And we know it very well

And we all know Pythagoras’ theorem

But who really cares?

When I know that my G.P.A is negative three

I can see it dying

I don’t wanna do this anymore

I don’t wanna be the reason why

Every time I open my pencil box

I see that all my ink is running dry

I don’t wanna do redox anymore

I don’t want more hydrogen oxides

I don’t wanna read…my history notes.

I feel disgust

At all these malay worksheets that are piling on my desk

Get it over with

I don’t wanna do this anymore

Anymore

I don’t wanna do this anymore

I don’t wanna be the reason why

Every time I open my pencil box

I see that all my ink is running dry

I don’t wanna do redox anymore

I don’t want more hydrogen oxides

I don’t wanna read…my history notes.

Happy mugging, darlings <3

Nana (315)

weiqing's parody!

hey hey, i'm here to post because ms ng made me feel sufficiently guilty about the thought of not-doing/posting my um, parody. It's a spoof/parody of Bleeding Love, and it's called Eating Junk Food. haha :D

Eating Junk Food
Closed off from my fridge
I didn’t need weight gain
One rice grain was enough
Yeah, I was that vain
Time starts to pass
Before long I’m just skin and bone

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My mouth watered with the sound
Of “fast food chain”
And everyone’s looking round
Thinking I’m going crazy 

Chorus
But I don’t care what they say
I’ll still eat junk food
They try to give me salad
But I’ll still get the fries
My heart’s crippled by the veins
That you keep on clogging
You tempt me too much and I,

Keep eating
Keep, keep eating junk food
I keep eating
I keep, keep eating junk food
Keep eating
Keep, keep eating junk food
You tempt me too much

Trying hard not to eat
But you look so good
HPB (health promotion board) ads fill my eyes
Try to fill me with doubt
Yeah I know that their goal
Is to keep me healthy

But nothing’s greater
Than the rush that comes with eating you
And in this world of tasteless greens
I see you on a plate
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I’m going crazy, maybe, maybe 

-Chorus-

And it’s draining my money
Oh they find it hard to believe
I’ll be carrying these burgers
For everyone to try

-Chorus-

Keep eating,
Keep, keep eating junk food.

(disclaimer: it's supposed to be like a commentary on the obesity
epidemic in US and to a certain extent singapore too)

You can find the original lyrics and video here: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/l/leona_lewis/bleeding_love.html

<3 weiqing

parody

ok here is mine! if you didnt realise, it is about da vinci code. like the book by dan brown.

oh and the original song is love, me by colin raye.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycze0tiMAPw
that is the youtube link for the original.

I read a note my Grandpa wrote back in 2003,
Grandpa laid it on the floor, and he used Fibbonacci.
He said, 'Princess, you might not understand, but a long long time ago,
Priory of Sion was once founded, to protect the Holy Grail.'

Robert Langdon is the one you need, and run away together.
The cryptex is the first clue I leave you, may you discover,
The word of wisdom which help unlock is you, 'Sophie'.
You'll find this last note, and this is what it says:

'If you get there before Teabing,
Seek the orb quickly
Beneath the ancient Roslin waits
The Holy Grail and you history.

See I'm not gonna let you down
Princess, forgive me
And between now and then
Til you find your Grandma,

I'll be lovng you,
Love, Me.'

I read these words just hours after my Grandpa passed away.
In the archway of the church where me and Langdon stopped to pray.
I know I never seen Grandma in all my twenty years.
But as we said these words to her, her eyes filled up with tears.

'If you get there before Teabing,
Seek the orb quickly
Beneath the ancient Roslin waits
The Holy Grail and you history.

See I'm not gonna let you down
Princess, forgive me
And between now and then
Til you find your Grandma,

I'll be lovng you,
Love, Me.'

yay!

xinxuan

Parody - I've Just Seen A Face

YAY I HAVE THE AWESOME HONOUR OF POSTING AGAIN AFTER SO LONG :D

Baobi and I made a parody of this song "I've Just Seen A Face" by The Beatles, but sung by Jim Sturgess in the movie 'Across The Universe' here.
(Yes, you click the word 'here' for a youtube link so that you can attempt to sing with our parodied lyrics roughly meant to tell you about the life of a crazy fangirl coughexamplecoughbaobicoughlisacoughcoughcough)

Here's our parody:

I've just seen a face
Won't forget it in my haste
I fell in love - he's just the guy for me
And I want all the girls to know he's mine
Na na na na na na

If we ever met someday
I won't be able to look away
But you will never notice me
And my heart it still flutters for you
Na na na na na na

Calling, yes I am calling
But they keep blocking my numbers (again)

You'll probably never see
A fan like this, you should be scared
And I have missed you and stalked you home
I bet the other girls were never quite like this
Na na na na na na

Calling, please do call me
xxxxxxxx (insert number here, I don't want to put up a number in case you really try to call it)

Here's the original lyrics:

I've just seen a face
I can't forget the time or place
That we'd just met, she's just the girl for me
And I want all the world to see we've met
Na na na na na na

Had it been another day
I might have looked the other way
But I had never been aware
And as it is I dream of her tonight
Na na na na na na

Falling, yes I am falling
And she keeps calling, me back again

I have never known the likes of this, I've been alone
And I have missed things and stayed out of sight
But the other girls were never quite like this
Na na na na na na

Falling, yes I am falling
And she keeps calling, me back again

Thanks :)

Love,
Ruifen who misses her oreos.

nanofiction (:

hey! this is kaiyuit (: YES goodbye math! and chinese! and physics! tralala.

some pieces of fifty-five fiction(: enjoy.

Your food, your foe.

My skin is ripped apart.
My innards ooze out onto sizzling metal, like yellow goo.
I feel the scorching heat; my time is up.
But, I thought, as my comrades joined me in my cruel fate, we’ll never surrender meekly!
Hear the war cries of the scrambled eggs, as we bring you humans, FOOD POISONING.

By the Vanity Pond
A girl sits by the lake. The water is glossy and smooth; it entices her.
She leans forward; her reflection stares back in surprise.
She bends down to kiss it; she loves her reflection with intense passion.
It whispers to her to join it: her other self, beneath the glassy surface.
And intoxicated, she follows.

A foolish clown
He slips back into the dressing room, amidst the audience’s laughs. Another successful act. He reapplies his thick, red and white makeup and twists his polka-dotted tie briskly. He glances at the cracked mirror, and wonders, for the first time in thirty-five years, if he was nothing but a sad play-thing for others to ridicule.

horror
At midnight, the girl shuffles into the dark, unlit kitchen. She picks up and fills a mug with milk, then drinks sleepily from it. But something’s not right: what is it? She switches the light on. She screams. Her cup falls and shatters with a resounding crash. For inside the cup, was a live cockroach.
(this DID happen to me. except that it wasn't a cockcroach x/EWWW~)

Clockwork
The two figures whirl in time to the intense music, their bodies flying, connecting, and separating in a mad tempo. Dance. Their feet move in a drunken blur. Crazy, senseless, frenzied, intoxicating passion. A fiery fervor that'll never be extinguished; a dance that will go on forever. Or at least, until their clockwork winds down.

55 fiction/why write?

Hey, here’s my (weiqing’s) stuff, hope it’ll be a good read for you!

Life
With an unsteady hand, she etches the first strokes on the blank white canvas. Then come the bright splashes of vivid colour, before a surge of mottled black drowns out everything. Desperate, she rains a bucketful of tears upon it, but the stains refuse to go away. Indeed, life’s canvas never offers a second chance.

Hello, Mars!
This is his last meeting with her. Much has changed since they first met. Once, she was fresh and full of life, and he had just begun to experience the heady joys of being with her. Now she was old and spent, and so Man bid goodbye to Earth and boarded the spaceship to Mars.

Do you remember me?
The bright sparkle of the thread of sunshine that sneaks in through the crack in the wooden doors catches her breath. She leans towards it, and is gratified when the cool morning breeze gently caresses the back of her eyelids. Then you slam the closet doors shut again on that hideous shirt you’ll never wear.

Writing

Writing is often exalted as the truest and purest form of expression; the most effective way to crystallize the swirl of emotions inside each and every one of us. But is it, really?

For the tired, jaded souls trudging through the rhetoric of everyday life, writing ceases to be a beautiful, emotional exercise. Their writing comes straight from their hearts, and possessing hearts long dulled by the slow pounding rhythm of boredom and fatigue, the glimmer of inspiration and hope that one oft sees in the writing of youth is shrouded in an oppressive fog of ennui. The best pieces of writing can only be produced when the writer herself is in her best state of mind; consequently, a writer whose senses have been blunted by years of disillusionment cannot hope to craft a masterpiece.

Or, perhaps there exist a few people whose innate talent for writing is so strong that no matter what their frame of mind, once a pen is put in their hand, the sheets of blank paper in front of them have no chance of protecting themselves from the barrage of words soon to drown them.

At the end of the day, I guess, a piece of writing does hold up a mirror to the churning feelings of its writer as she was writing it. A piece of writing can very well allow a reader to asses the writer’s mood, personal opinion and maybe even her beliefs and values. It reflects its writer’s subconscious thoughts and emotions, and the subtle shades of meanings detected in the various words employed can all paint a good picture of the writer’s psycho-emotional thought processes.

Or- does it? If you could tell I was feeling (how do I put “sian” cheemly), kudos to you, you’ve proven my (mini excuse for an) essay right (:

55 fiction (:

Here goes...

1. Answers

I took a slow, meaningful promenade in the park, trying desperately to clear my head. Questions zipped pas me in a flurry, and I wanted answers immediately. Suddenly, I looked up, only to hear the senile old hag shriek loudly, "Noo!". Content, I went home. After all, they say a man of few words is wise.

2. Hunt

Aclump of brown fur whizzed past the tall grass, and the hunter perked up at the sight. He edged closer, gripping his weapon tightly in his calloused palm, ready to make the perfect shot. He positioned himself stealthily and waited, the silence only growing gradually louder. Suddenly a loud roar behind him. The end.

3. World

Millions of years.

Billions of years.

The same motion.

The constant dizziness and nausea, causing my occasional outbursts at various peaks, and the continuous, ceaseless journey through eternity- I needed no assurance that I'd never view anything elso in alternate perspective. A revolution was very regular, for gravity did believe: One good turn deserves another.

(: japna.